Soo… This is Kinda Long & Personal…

Every year, there comes a point when everything starts to fall in to place and 2018 is certainly no different. Since the beginning of the year, it has been a non-stop grind being an independent artist managing all of the crucial elements of a blooming career while simultaneously navigating this blessing called life. So far, it’s been a path full of valuable lessons, revealing truths and undeniably stressful, cultivating moments all mashed with thrill, excitement, faith and opportunities.

Here are some of those lessons, truths, moments and opportunities I’ve experienced so far:

 

Energy is Critical

Have you ever met a true pessimist? Have you ever heard the term buzzkill? The auras associated with these terms and personalities are those from horror movies! It’s insane how someone else’s energy could affect yours greatly even if you have all your barriers up. The truth about all this is that they can’t affect you unless you allow them to and that’s what I was doing wrong. These days, it’s become my main priority to clear out the horror movie characters, those lost in the black holes of the universe and allow all of the sad energy vampires to starve. The music industry is one filled with so many characters and some will drain you: the Negative Nancy who thinks that no one will ever make it and that the industry sucks, the two-faced shadows that smile to your face but hope you fail, and the “helpless” who use sad sob stories to get you to spend all of your emotional resources on them without return… yeah, there are plenty of them.

It took a long, bright conversation with an old friend recently to remind me to always have my negativity repellent on at all times. That dose of positive light reminded me to allow the right energies and spirits to align with me and now it’s all momentous light charging me and all of the projects that I’m working on.

amanie illfated
Photo & Make Up by Iuliia Pele #3rdwheelstudios

 

Standing In Your Truth

I remember once hearing Beyonce speak about conflict in her short film “Yours and Mine”. She used to be afraid of it but decided to face it head on and she is now not afraid to start it here and there. We have this in common, and I’m sure there are millions of people out there in the same position. I’ve never really been the outspoken one. I always avoided conflict as much as possible so I wouldn’t speak up until the very last moment – often, destroying bits of myself in the process. But now, I’m on the verge of bigger things and I need to have people who believe in me, believe in themselves, align with my vision and want a positive, respectful, mutually benefiting relationship. I’ve practised the art of enacting on my own self-interests and I can tell you that people have fallen off, fallen in line or shown their true identities and allegiances! I’ve had more arguments, ended more friendships and partnerships and severed ties with more people in the past 6 months than I have in my entire life combined. The phrase “if the garbage takes itself out, let it go” has never meant more to me before than now.

One would think that after getting rid of so many people and severing ties so abruptly, you’d have quite the empty house, but it’s exactly the contrary. Some relationships changed to lesser or higher titles that were more suitable to our visions; some friendships strengthened, some friendships rekindled and grew. I feel flooded with so much love, respect and care these days that at times, I’m drowning in pure bliss. More importantly, the relationship with myself has become diamond strong and it’s beginning to show.

amanie illfated
Photo & Make Up by Iuliia Pele #3rdwheelstudios

 

Feel, Shamelessly

When I was 19, I wrote a very deep and personal song about battling depression and shared it with a producer. That producer lectured me for nearly 15 minutes about why I shouldn’t feel depressed and that girls like me only say things like that to get attention. He asked me why I couldn’t write a song about making love on a dance floor like the other female artist he was working with…

Needless to say, I’m not working with that producer, but that wasn’t the first and certainly wasn’t the last experience I’ve had that convinced me to pull away from my true feelings and put on a plastic facade to stay away from lectures.

About a year ago, I vaguely mentioned to someone I admired deeply that I felt a little insecure. Because this person was so brilliant and practically supernatural to me, I was half expecting a full out rampage about how I’m just fishing for attention and then a mad dash far away from me, but this person looked me dead straight in the eye and with the greatest sincerity told me, “It’s okay.” No lecture, no praise, no melodramatic reaction. Just a quick, neutral acknowledgement.

I was instantly reminded of a phrase that I heard when I was younger… “Feel the !@#$ out of everything”. Sad? Feel it. Angry? Feel it. Excited? Feel it. It’s permission to feel every single feeling you have without worry of condemnation. So long as it is channelled into something positive, is not hurting anyone and is handled correctly, why not feel it?

So lately, I’ve been feeling the !@#$ out of everything… most recently, I did a full out shouting track in the studio, laughed till my belly hurt at videos on my phone while sitting alone in a cafe and have started to become more transparent about my feelings with friends, family and my supporters.

amanie illfated
Photo & Make Up by Iuliia Pele #3rdwheelstudios

 

I’m so excited for everything that is coming ahead, and what makes the future greater is having all of your with me in spirit for this journey. I really can’t wait to show you this new album, SATURN, which seriously could not have been put together without you and all of your love.

In the next little while, you’ll be seeing lots of shows coming up, updates on the progress of the album and (soon) the first single!

Love you all like crazy!

x.amanie

 

 

 

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